Dear Pulse,
I have a crush on my pastor! He is a young, fine, sexy man, but very married. He pastors a small, growing church in my area, and I am relatively new, let’s say 3 months in. Honestly, I don’t like the church, it’s not giving me the vibe, I prefer those big churches where you can meet fine boys and see fashion, but God is everywhere, sha.
The real reason I am still in this church is the pastor!!! I have developed a huge crush on him, but he doesn’t know. He usually says hi to me after service, although I know it’s him just being nice to a new member, but I have grown fond of him.
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He sexually arouses me. When he is talking to me, I get wet. When he is praying for me, I get wet. When I watch him on the pulpit, I also get wet. I see him in my dreams, and I sometimes touch myself at home when I am listening to his sermons. May God forgive me.
It’s more than a crush now, I think it’s love. In my opinion, his wife is not up to his standards. Could it be that he made a mistake and I am his real wife? I go to every church service now just to see him. I manufacture problems so that he can counsel me alone. I even fall under the anointing so that he can touch my body.
I am thinking of taking it a step further. I want to get naked in front of him when we are alone. Should I do it? Maybe he likes me and he can’t say it, but when he sees my nakedness, maybe he will have the courage.
No one is perfect, so please don’t judge me. Should I go ahead?
— Jacinta.
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Dear Jacinta,
Thank you for being honest and vulnerable; it’s not easy to admit these kinds of feelings. My 1st advice to you would be to separate fantasy from reality. What you’re experiencing sounds incredibly intense and consuming. Crushes can be powerful, especially when they’re focused on someone who seems spiritual, charismatic, and gives you attention.
But when we act on those feelings without boundaries, especially with someone who is married and in a position of spiritual authority, it can cause deep emotional harm, both for you and others involved.
Let’s be clear: this man is married, and as a pastor, he holds a responsibility to serve, not to fulfil personal or romantic desires. Pursuing someone else’s spouse, especially through manipulation or seduction, doesn’t create a real relationship; it creates a cycle of guilt, secrecy, and emotional damage that will likely leave you feeling even more alone or rejected later.
You’re human. Attraction happens. But what matters most is what you do with those feelings. You said you don’t really like the church, so it might be a good idea to step back, find a church community where you truly feel spiritually nourished, and give yourself space to process this emotionally.
My advice:
Don’t act on your desire to seduce him. It will not bring the love or peace you’re hoping for.
Consider taking a break from the church and seeking out a faith-based counsellor or therapist who can help you explore these feelings in a safe, supportive way.
Redirect your energy toward self-love, personal growth, and finding healthy, mutual relationships where love is honest and free.
Love should not be hidden, complicated, or hurt someone else.
— Pulse.
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