My mother and my sister beat up my wife and she packed out of the house with my children, it’s been 3 days now.
Dear Pulse,
Recently, my mother and my sister moved into my house because there was a fire in the family home. I work offshore so I am hardly at home. But since my mother and my sister moved, there has been fire on the mountain.
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My wife has been complaining endlessly about how my mother is monitoring the money I send to her for cooking and foodstuffs. She questioned the prices of everything and started insinuating that my wife was inflating the price.
For peace to reign, I started giving them money separately. But that didn’t help, my wife started saying that my mother was eating her food and not contributing, she was instead saving the money I was giving her.
All hell broke loose on one fateful day when my wife and my sister got into an argument. My wife insulted her and called her old and unmarried at 43. My sister immediately slapped her and my wife slapped her back.
That’s how my mother and sister ganged up on my wife and beat her black and blue. My wife called me crying and I had to rush home but before I got home, she had packed her things, our children and left the house.
I have been begging but she refuses to step her foot into the house if my mother and my sister don’t leave. My mother and my sister said they are not going anywhere. what do I do to restore the peace in my home?
— Damola.
Dear Damola,
This situation sounds very complicated and painful for everyone involved. Restoring peace and rebuilding trust will take time, but it’s possible with the right approach. Here are some steps to consider:
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1. Address the Conflict with Your Mother and Sister
It’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your mother and sister about their behaviour. Be clear that what they did to your wife is unacceptable. Violence is never the answer, and they need to understand the seriousness of their actions. Apologize to your wife on behalf of your family for the harm caused.
2. Understand Your Wife’s Perspective
Your wife’s feelings are valid. Living in a home with constant tension, financial scrutiny, and family conflict would be difficult for anyone. You need to show empathy toward her situation, particularly because she’s now dealing with the added responsibility of raising children without you being present due to your offshore work.
3. Separate Living Arrangements
It may be time to make a hard decision. If your wife has made it clear that she won’t return to the house if your mother and sister are still there, it may be wise to ask your mother and sister to move out. You can offer your mother and sister alternative living arrangements if possible.
4. Setting Boundaries with Your Family
Moving forward, it’s essential to establish clear boundaries with your family. Your mother and sister should respect your marriage and your wife’s role in managing the household. You should also work on building trust with your wife. Be patient and consistently show your wife that you are committed to making things right.
While your wife and family have their issues, it’s also important for you to reflect on your role in this conflict. How could you have handled the situation differently? Did you give your wife enough support, or did you unintentionally make her feel isolated or unsupported?
Demonstrate through actions, not just words, that you are prioritizing her and the children. In the long run, this might involve standing firm on boundaries with your family to ensure that your marriage and home are respected.
— Pulse.
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