My boyfriend sponsored my university education, but I can’t marry him because he is uneducated and local.
Dear Pulse,
I met my boyfriend at a popular market in Enugu when I was 18. He was 25 at the time, selling spare parts, while I was learning tailoring because my family couldn’t afford to send me to university.
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We started dating, and a year into the relationship, he shocked me with a question: “Do you want to further your education?” I was stunned and he was willing to pay for it.
I wrote JAMB and got into UNN to study Economics and he covered everything from my JAMB registration, school fees, house rent, monthly allowance, clothes, shoes, and food. When I wanted to start a business in school, he refused. He wanted me to focus on my studies and graduate with at least a 2:1 and I did.
Now, I’m serving in Abuja, and through a friend I met at NYSC camp, I secured a government job that pays ₦400,000 monthly. My boyfriend wasn’t happy at first, but he supported it since there were no job offers in Enugu. Now, he wants to get married.
I’m not surprised, I mean we’ve been together for six years. But here’s the problem: I met another man in Abuja.
He’s educated, sophisticated, and takes care of me. He also wants to marry me. My Enugu boyfriend, though uneducated and “local,” cares for me deeply. With the Abuja man, I see fancy trips and a luxurious life. With my Enugu boyfriend, I see stability and care, but on a more modest level.
Now, my Abuja boyfriend is asking me to tell my Enugu boyfriend to name his price so he can compensate him and “clear the way” for our relationship.
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Should I do it? Would money soften the pain of a breakup? Or should I just end things respectfully? What should I do?
— Chinaza.
Dear Chinaza,
This is a tough situation, and here’s my honest advice:
Money Can’t Buy Closure – Offering your Enugu boyfriend money might seem like an easy way out, but it could be deeply hurtful. Paying him off reduces your relationship to a financial deal, which it was never meant to be.
Be Honest and Take Responsibility – If you no longer want to be with him, you owe him honesty. A breakup will hurt, no matter what, but it’s more respectful to have a mature conversation rather than trying to compensate with money.
Ask Yourself: What Do You Truly Want? – Are you leaving him because you’ve outgrown the relationship, or are you just tempted by the material comfort the Abuja man offers? Long-term happiness isn’t just about luxury—it’s about emotional connection, respect, and compatibility.
Be Fair to Yourself and Both Men – It’s important to make a decision that aligns with your values, not just your circumstances. If your heart is no longer with your Enugu boyfriend, don’t drag the relationship on out of guilt. But if your Abuja boyfriend is only appealing because of lifestyle perks, consider whether that’s a solid foundation for marriage.
End Things with Grace, Not Guilt – If you choose to leave, do it with gratitude and respect. He has been a huge part of your journey, and his kindness should be met with appreciation, not just a payout.
Whatever you decide, make sure it’s a choice you can live with without regret.
— Pulse.
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